Opposition du jour

There are two bookshelves listed on Craigslist, made in Denmark. 36″ wide and 88″ tall, compared to 31″ by 72″ Billy bookshelves from IKEA. The result 11 feet of additional storage with the same footprint, not to mention additional worth since they bear Made in Denmark.

Response to query:

Michael: I’m only one vote, but why don’t we get the house put together first and then see?

Translation: I do NOT want to do this but I also do not want to be thought of as uncooperative, so let’s pretend that we will do this later, after the bookshelves are no longer available. In this way, I will manage to sabotage what you want and it won’t be my fault that the bookshelves aren’t there any more.

Note: He succeeds. I take the bait. His assertion is not logical, since the bookshelves will not be there once we have put the house together. But by taking the bait, two possibilities now exist:

1. By postponing the decision, I will probably forget the bookshelves or give up on them, and the problem is eliminated.

2. He has established himself as the judge of when the house is put together; it should not be difficult to find a new quibbling point once I accomplish the first task he has given me.

Nevertheless, I respond with logic to illogic:

Me: The problem is that we need to put away all the things sitting around from converting the closet for my sewing machine. Where are we going to put them? Do you want them in the garage?

Note: Once he has snagged me false logic, he can now switch to a purely logical domain.

Michael: There’s no room in the garage.

Note: Once in the logical domain, I make the mistake of cooperative, rather than oppositional logic. This is my opening for counter-attack. Best response: Then clean up the garage!

But, as usual, I hope for a glimmer of cooperation in the mirage he has created, parallel to the old if only you were thin illusion so many decades ago, an excuse for systematically selfish behavior.

Watch me take the bait:

Me: Then where are we going to put them?

Michael: We could get a shed…

Translation: Let’s talk about what I want instead of what you want.

Note: Mission accomplished. Michael one, me zero.

Prediction: Having seen me cry, he will most likely try to talk about the bookshelves and I can get them if I want, now that he has effectively poisoned the pond.

Solution: I am no longer willing to settle for these bookshelves. I do not try to save money in order to be dismissed or trivialized. Once again, he is willing to show that he does not appreciate my desire to save money by finding good furniture at a hefty discount. (He just did the same thing yesterday about going to see some laminated storage furniture in Cordelia, and I gave up and went anyway.)

Since he is willing to be mean and obstinate to me, two days in a row on the exact same issue, there is no reason to be considerate when I want things. I always tell him that he deserves the best and his response is that I do not deserve the scraps I find here and there? I get zero recognition for how much money I save on furnishings; furthermore, I save that money in the face of outright opposition. No longer! I will put the house together and purchase the best for myself at the Scandinavian store in Vacaville.


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